Last words.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Hello.
You may head here to view my now infamous web log (blog)
I'm sorry to say that I've relocated it to another address that shall remain private except to those I know.
I still believe that everything I write should be made public as I have nothing to hide.
Unfortunately, not everyone share my view.
With that in mind, I took the option of making my blog private against the other one which is to censor every word I write just to please the world.
Continue it as it is is not an option at all as I do not want people to slice and dissect everything I wrote for meanings which are truly not present at all.
Regarding that infamous post, i'm sorry for being too brutally honest, but still maintain that I did not lie. i did not have the intention of lying to ruin anyone's name.
And I did not intend to smear my school's good name either. Every school has it's faults and cheating during examinations is a worldwide phenomenon not alien to any school in the world.
I was just writing down what I saw for my benefit (will remember what happened as a blog is pretty much an accident-proof diary).
Last words,
I would like to thank everyone involved in this whole ordeal.
The school, for being understanding and thoughtful in the way they handle this tough case (I'm being serious and honest. Not trying to redeem myself or anyone else. No sarcasm either)
My parents and my family, for being my pillars and my cushion to fall on to, helping me out of this painful, traumatic ordeal, and being understanding by not blaming or punishing me in any way.
My friends, even those who did cheat, for bringing me out of my traumatic state, making me start being myself again, seeing that this' isn't so bad' and giving me support (they shall remain unnamed even though I want to thank each and everyone of you personally. You know who you are.)
And truly want to apologise to:
- the school, for all the trouble and 'uproar' cause. Especially to the teachers and administrators.
- those whose name were stated in that post, some of whom were sweet enough to even apologise to me (! Even though it's not me they should apologise to). I do not blame them for that, everyone's human and everyone makes mistakes, and I believe that they thought that they were not offending anyone as they were not aware that we mind. Rather, I admire them for their bravery (in admitting their mistake), as only a strong person would have the courage to admit that they did something not right and strive to change. I do not carry any feelings of hatred. I even think that I'm even closer to some of them now. I am sorry if I hurt any of your feelings. I truly am.
- My parents. I caused them a lot of trouble. A lot of grief. Although they did not blame me for what happened, they were worried sick when this came out in the newspaper. I can sense their worry and the fact that I am the cause of all this ate into my soul. I felt worse when I thought of how worried my parents were compared to the feeling I got after thinking about how much trouble I'm in, which is pretty much non-existent.
Although this is a very traumatic experience, I benefited a lot from it.
I learned how to deal with problems that comes a'knocking, not skirt around adults, hoping that they will solve it for me.
I truly got to know how good my friends are. Friends that will really support me through thick and thin, not those you only heard of in stories.
I got to build back some friendships previously slightly strained due to the realisation that they cheat during the examinations
I saw and comprehended the ugly side of humanity, that cheaters, liars and bad people exist in society. I got life lessons from many, many sources, mostly from the teachers, the administrators and my mum.
In short, I became a stronger person, a person that emerged out of a very fearsome battle victorious, although marked forever by battle scars.
"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."
Rose Kennedy.
(Leave a message and a way to contact you in the comments part if you want me to grant permission to read my blog with the new address).
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"In the time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act."
- George Orwell.
To those who know of the ordeal I went through, I am not writing about it in order to preserve the state of secrecy I'm bound to.
But I would like to state this : I am not lying.
I did not lie.
I did not state anything that contained a morsel of anything that is even close to a lie, regarding anything related to that particular incident.
I admit that I might have overseen the effects of me writing on that particular subject, I am sincerely sorry for it, and throughly apologise for that.
But I maintain that what I wrote, what I told is not a fib.
This post is in respond to those who might think that the action of changing my blog address/closing it down temporarily is an admission of guilt.
I therefore would like to state here that it is not.
It is merely my responding action to mend what I overseen.
"Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom, not a guide by which to live."
-Robert Kennedy.
True, I am slightly traumatised by some people's behavior that I fail to comprehend throughout this ordeal.
But bear in mind that I am not a person who succumbs to problems easily.
Rest assure that I am still the person I was, just wiser through experience.
But as Kahlil Gibran (a philosopher) once said, "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."
I truly feel that I've grown stronger through this harrowing experience, thanks to the support I received, and still receive, by my family and friends, and the level of understanding demonstrated by the school teachers and administration.
I once doubt their reliability, if only a little bit, but doubts like that vanished after what I experienced yesterday.
I would also like to applaud the school, students, teachers and administrators alike for the calm way they handle this situation, choosing to listen to both side of the story instead of only "looking at a side" like what i posted two days previously.
The way they handle this situation is admirable - calmly and by analysing both statements, and reaching a decision, not rashly, but only after musing about everything more than once, and then deciding on the appropriate course of action to be taken, adopting an open mind and demonstrating a high level of understanding all the while.
For that, I truly thank them.
"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge in the field to truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of gods."
- Albert Einstein.
But
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it."
-Helen Keller.
And I truly believe that truth and justice will prevail, in this situation at least. But, as T.S. Eliot once said, "Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the act, falls the shadow."
Everything in the world is not 100% like this, or that. There lies a lot of uncertainties in everything. Hopefully, that would be overcome though.
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles."
- Charles Chaplin.
I just hope everything in this reaches a satisfactory conclusion.
I am sorry for the trouble I've caused.
I am sorry for anyone unintentionally hurt.
But I am not sorry for telling the truth.
I end this short post with this quote:
"When love is in excess, it bring a man no honour nor worthiness."
- Euripides.
1:37 PM